Now guys, if you don’t wanna pay child-support and ending up getting married to a dumb 17 year old bitch with a your kid, here is a list of sure ways to have her avoid getting pregnant…. at least avoid getting pregnant with your baby:

1. Use a condom! If it rips, don’t keep going, enjoying the rawness of the situation, but put on a new rubber.

2. Make her take the pill. Don’t just assume she’s on it because she told you she is. Make sure she takes it in front of you. See that she swallows. Remember, bitches are conniving.

3. I don’t advocate abstinence, but that’s a sure way not to get a bitch pregnant. But then, what do you really have to live for when you’re in your teens if you’re living in abstinence? Bah, I hate this one.

4. Don’t be stupid and don’t put on two rubbers at the same time for safety. The friction will make that shit rip and you won’t have a good time fucking because you won’t feel anything.

5. Pulling out doesn’t always work. I don’t wanna go into the details of the whole thing here, but take my word for it, if you don’t wanna have a mini-you walking around on this planet that you gotta feed, clothe, shelter, and all the other shite, don’t think that you can avoid all that by pulling out at the last minute.

6. Don’t have a girlfriend, they’re a waste of time and money anyways. Just go from bitch to bitch and enjoy your life while you’re still young. You’ll be imprissoned in marriage anyways, so why not enjoy your freedom while you can.

So yeah, young and proud-to-be-mothers are brutish and vile in my opinion and I laugh at anyone who opposes my views!

9. She eats its own vomit. And sometimes when I drink too much, it likes to clean up after me too.

8. She’s got cataract so she keeps banging into doors and chairs and wants everyone to feel bad for her. She thinks she so damn smart.

7. She doesn’t have life insurance so when she croaks I don’t get shite.

6. She was never a good wrestling opponent. That’s right, all those DDT’s, power-bombs, and choke-slams went undefended. Stupid chihuahua.

5. I have to walk her and when people are watching I’m forced to pick-up her poop. Now that’s messed up, c’mon now.

4. She doesn’t say “yo quedo taco bell”. I thought at least by the age of 3 it’ll start saying it, but I was majorly disappointed.

3. She thinks she runs the bed and bites my foot everytime I move during my sleep. Well, I’m just thankful it likes to sleep at the foot area instead of closer up. I still need to procriate.

2. Her name is “Lucky” like every other stupid pet out there.

And number 1 reason why I hate my old, blind, stupid, unworthy-opponent of a Chihuahua is: She still might have another five full years to live.